Pay Attention

Day 9: 365 Days of Gratitude 2021

fo·cus/ˈfōkəs/

verb

1. (of a person or their eyes) adapt to the prevailing level of light and become able to see clearly.
2.  pay particular attention to.

We sometimes starve ourselves emotionally. We allow daily distractions and put needs of others before ourselves. We do this, and ultimately, it results in animosity toward the very things we intended to care for.

We are accountable, there’s that word again, for creating the dependence. Some people are “takers“, and offer nothing in return; while some will give the shirt off their back, and this is okay. The decision is owned by the person delivering or taking. It is on you if allow yourself to be depleted.

Nevertheless, when this happens, your feeling of disappointment is okay, it is a valid reaction. No one should condemn you for asking, “What went wrong, I believe I was a good person to you?”. There is a difference between, that and, “You owe me.”

Growing up a kid from the city, I was taught, if you do someone a favor or loan someone money, do it without expectation. In good conscience and without expectation or praise. There are a plethora of books about the art of giving and receiving, as well scenes on the big screen. Remember this scene from, “A Bronx Tale?”

This holds weight for romantic relationships, as well. So many times we hear, “What a waste of my time.” No, not really. Travel, gifts, affection, attraction even lust and the lessons learned, relationships start out desirable, while many end badly. Focus on the good that presented, if there was any gratification and bliss extracted, it was not a waste. You walked away with something. Some lessons are sweet, while others bitter, but you still learn.

Our focus becomes all about the shitty relationship (two of you) when it should be about you. Ask yourself some questions. What is my accountability? What attracted me to this relationship? Where can I improve? Instead, we are conditioned to blame ourselves and write it off as a failure. Instead, we should feed the energy inward and ask those questions.

When we focus on others, we stifle our growth. We give too much energy away, and leave ourselves depleted. Our focus is clouded by the needs of another. We may be considerate of another beings insecurity, we then try to protect them, most of the time, at our expense.

You can’t expect anyone to feel the way you do, act the way you do, mess up the way you do, forgive the way you do. We are all guilty of expectation, if you are human; you are guilty. I observe some posts about doing good deeds with no expectation; minutes later the same folks posting about Karma (like it’s a bad thing).

I have put myself in these relationships. I have made this mistake of expecting. I learned the best relationship is one which includes separate identities, we are not equal in our individual qualities and accomplishments, even though we are equal beings in composition. You need to shine, and those who care for you will encourage it, not express disappointment because it did not include them.

I am not a psychiatrist, these are personal experiences that I prayed on and extracted good lessons from, by paying attention to my emotions and focusing on myself.

I am trying my best to birth an improved version of myself. I began reading again, sitting quietly, walking 3 miles a day when I am not hiking, and just being productive. I am focusing on my needs, and I do not feel guilty for doing so. I finally feel focused on myself. I feel the change. I sleep better, I am less distracted, I smile more and feel grateful all the time.

I got rid of the junk. I changed my algorithm on social media, while I limit my time and censor what I see. Sadly, the technology that has helped us, is hindering us. Social platforms have become a dark ally that breed a fearful new animal. We all know what happens when we fear.

The last couple of months, my husband and I have put a limit on what we watch on TV, we carve out quality time for one another, we picked up a new hobby, joined a hiking club, reactivated my status in my networking group, am working with a new music partner, and more.

I focused and I continue to feed my soul.

Identify something in your life that deserves attention. It has to be something that affects you directly. Focus on it, dissect it and if within your control, change it.

Stay strong and blessed!